I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
