I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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