True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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