my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize