i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize