so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
