Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize