When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
