I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
