I hate your face
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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