Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
