In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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