Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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