The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
