also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
