I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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