just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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