is your mom at the bar?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
