Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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