just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
