He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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