Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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