I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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