Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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