So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
