Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
