Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
