when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
