If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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