before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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