Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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