you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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