Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize