apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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