After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
