Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
