This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
