Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
