I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
