I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry about my life...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
