Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
