three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Everyone says I win the strip club
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
