yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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