Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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