You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
