I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
