someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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