are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
