Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
