dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
