i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
