Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
