I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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