So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
