he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
