That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
