My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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