ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
