You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize