broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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