babies were throwing up all over the place
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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